Wednesday, 14 June 2017

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How To Save Your Marriage -9 Things You Are Doing Wrong



How To Save Your Marriage By Avoiding Common Relationship Pitfalls
With relationship breakups and divorce as common as they are these days, it’s easy to understand how many couples with troubled relationships start to wonder, “Is it possible to save your marriage once it hits the skids? Is there really a way to turn things around and make the relationship work?”


 
If that sounds like you, then here’s how to save your marriage by avoiding the common pitfalls of a divorce guided relationship.


First, you should know there are realistic reasons to believe that you can bring your marriage back from the brink of divorce. Not only that, but you also get the good chance of building a richer and even closer relationship with your spouse than you had before.

So the answer to the question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” is definitely “Yes!”


  • Save Your Marriage Today 9 Things To Avoid!


·        1. Not believing in second chances.


In 1980’s, the National Survey of Families and Households in held a survey for 645 spouses who indicated their marriages as “unhappy.” Just 5 short years later, another survey revealed that those who believed they can give the marriage a second chance rated their relationship as “happy”. Often time you just have to taking a deep breath and believe things can be worked out.


·        2. Not allowing each other a cool down period.

If your spouse just told you they want a divorce or you have been discussing it for some time, don’t start to immediately think they’ve made their final decision, or that you can’t save your marriage.

Instead, you should take a week or two for both of you to get away from the negative emotions that can spring up.
This is no time either to make a tall list of your “potential ex’s” faults! Instead, walk up to your spouse and tell them that you think you should both take a break, and think calmly through rational respectful ways to address the issue when you see each other again.


·        3. Not reviving your love feelings to each other.

Marriage counselors with good insight on how to save your marriage will tell you that no matter how bad a current relationship is, most couples still have a basic respect and concern for each other.



After all, that was the partner you chose at one point and saw many good and attractive qualities in them. These same qualities are what you need to re-ignite if you seriously want to save your marriage.



Those qualities are still there, even though they might not be as easy to see today, as they were when you first met. One thing you can do is subtly revive those memories and good feelings you use to have about each other and use those as a springboard for making up.



·        4. Not addressing your own issues.

Everyone has issues, and you have some, too. Sorry to break it up to you. And we aren’t just talking about the problems between you and your spouse, but also any issues related to any emotional baggage you may have brought into the relationship that have led the marriage to where it is today.


If you’re taking a cooling off period, that’s a great time to think back in time and acknowledge these issues to yourself.  Then discuss them openly with your spouse and slowly admit to them.

Also keep in mind if you want to save your marriage that you should avoid fault finding, especially if your spouses reaction to it has been verbally angry or abusive in the past.

5. Not thinking you can do it by yourself.
While many who understand how to save a marriage will remind you it “takes two to tango,” you shouldn’t imagine you’ve just made your partner act a certain way.

This is similar to a previous point we’ve discussed.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions about rescuing a marriage.
The reality is that it doesn’t have to take both of you to save it.

While it’s true both spouses have to eventually give up the idea of a breakup, one side alone can still be motivated and take the steps to turn things around, and buy more time while the other side reconsiders. The reason being is if you change your approach and style towards your spouse, they’ll naturally change their behavior too, and you begin a new positive relationship cycle.
This is a great way to save your marriage when you have thought the relationship is practically over.

·        6. Not resolving conflicts as they arise.
If you’ve already taken your cooling off period and it seems like you always end up in shouting matches every time you try to work things out, you should immediately calmly request from your spouse that you both stay calm so you can get past the anger and negative emotions and focus on helping each other solve the issues at hand.

Always try to win their respect in any conversation at this point, but sell yours. The idea is for both of you to respect each other to help each other make some real progress.

 


·        7. Focusing too much on the idea of divorce.
Here’s another tip on how to save your marriage and bring it back from a brink of a certain divorce.

Sometimes all you have to do is to just forget a little about the idea of divorce and ignite some romance back into the relationship.

You want to be careful and be subtle with your approaches here, you objective is not to force your partner to be convinced to save your marriage. Rather, you want it to be a natural way for the other side to re-consider being too focused on getting a divorce.

Don’t be too surprising or abrupt in your romance. Instead, ask if you can go out and discuss it over dinner, and go some place special that you both like.
And be playful where you can.

Yes! In the midst of your conflicts, through a funny gesture and let your spouse knows you still care.  Find things you both enjoy doing, as long as you can chat with each other while doing it, and schedule a time for the activity at least twice a week.
·         
     8. Not being patient enough.
Most practical tips on, how to save you marriage, won’t give you quick fixes that you can have done in a day, but they will give you ideas you can at least try with your spouse right away.
If you believe you need a short break from your spouse to ease tensions or you just want to focus on each other a little more to keep things from really falling apart, there’s always something you can make happen to get started in the positive direction.

This is extremely important if you don’t want to waste any more time hoping things will just get better.

·        9. Not seeking professional counseling.

The trouble with taking your own judgment for granted when trying to turn a failing marriage around is that you’re too close to the problem. Plus, this is such an emotionally charged issue that even the most stable, logical people can lose control with and easily overreact.

That’s why seeking the advice and help in the form of professional counseling can be invaluable.



Marriage counseling is an obvious option, but if you can’t afford it, or your partner refuses the idea, you can seek other sources of help such as save your marriage self-help Ebooks available online or at your local bookstore.



Before you think that the answer to the question, “Is there hope to save my marriage?” is “No,” take a deep calm breath and look at your realities.



If you can get your spouse to level agreement to workout the problems together, you’re already 80% of the way to save your marriage and avoiding a divorce. Even if you’re the only one who wants to make it work, you can turn things around just by changing your own style.
 


Author Bio: Katie is the enthusiastic woman. She loves writing about love and lifestyle on Hubnames.


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